I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
