So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
