normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
