i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
