I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There r osticjed everywhere
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
