my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
