There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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