you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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