Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
