i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
