Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize