I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize