I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
