so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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