Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize