I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
