I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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