i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize