First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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