weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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