I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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