he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
