what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
