There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
