my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
