I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
