Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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