Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
