Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
