Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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