You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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