I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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