we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
