I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
