first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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