and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
