Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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