5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
