Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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