If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
