is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she looked like the before picture.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
