Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
