Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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