reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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