she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
two words...techno handjob
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
