counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
