I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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