just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
