She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You ate ashes out of my bong
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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