an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
