p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
