yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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