i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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