There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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