If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
