I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
