she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
