Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
