Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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