We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
