I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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