I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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