got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
