Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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