Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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