the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
