Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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