I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize