Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
