I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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