My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
