Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
