what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
