I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
try to milk me bitch
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